Scientists: Earth Endangered By New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans


Scientists have discovered a powerful new strain of fact-resistant humans who are threatening the ability of Earth to sustain life, a sobering new study reports. The research, conducted by the University of Minnesota, identifies a virulent strain of humans who are virtually immune to any form of verifiable knowledge, leaving scientists at a loss as to how to combat them.


“These humans appear to have all the faculties necessary to receive and process information. And yet, somehow, they have developed defenses that, for all intents and purposes, have rendered those faculties totally inactive. As facts have multiplied, their defenses against those facts have only grown more powerful.” Davis Logsdon, one of the scientists who contributed to the study, said.

While scientists have no clear understanding of the mechanisms that prevent the fact-resistant humans from absorbing data, they theorize that the strain may have developed the ability to intercept and discard information enroute from the auditory nerve to the brain.

“The normal functions of human consciousness have been completely nullified,” Logsdon said.

While reaffirming the gloomy assessments of the study, Logsdon held out hope that the threat of fact-resistant humans could be mitigated in the future.

“Our research is very preliminary, but it’s possible that they will become more receptive to facts once they are in an environment without food, water, or oxygen,” he said.


Reference(s): New Yorker

14 Comments

  1. this is a statement which cannot be contradicted for history and science prove this to be true

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    1. Fact: if you are in a family.... and the families last name is Breeden.... you are In Breeden family!

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    2. Sounds like Anonymous up there is an expert on inbreeding.

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  2. If Climate change science=facts. Then Biological gender science = facts. Right??? Or is that another example of Facts Resistant Humans?

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    1. Not sure where you're coming from here, but Biological Gender Science, as reported in Scientific American 2 years ago, is indeed factual.

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  3. Just like antibiotics.... facts need the whole dose of truth not just what's convenient. Maybe, if there weren't so many opinions masquerading as facts it wouldn't be a problem.

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    1. Here's one ! Here's one !

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    2. If that statement wasn't prefaced with "maybe"... then maybe you would have a point! ;-)

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  4. Maybe genocide for the right reasons is applicable? Let's endanger these asshole's. Let people=less problems.

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    1. Yea sounds like the 4th reich and the enlighten ones to lead the way... you would be buddies with Karl Marx, Lennon, Mao and Stalin..

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    2. just remove all the warning labels, and the issue will self resolve in short order

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  5. This article was written by said; "fact resistant humans".

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    1. Wow.. If only this article was Satire and not fact based :P

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