Places in the Solar System Where Your Death Would Be Most Horrific

It's easy to look out into the night sky and imagine the wonders and possibilities that await us among the stars. Tons of science fiction movies have been made about venturing into the cosmos, and as many of those movies show, space isn't exactly hospitable. In fact, our solar system is essentially a collection of giant death traps. 

Which is too bad, because, like, you really want to go to Jupiter, right? Wouldn't that be cool? But pretty much everywhere that isn't Earth will destroy you; the deadliest places in the solar system are also the coolest.

In addition to lava-spewing volcanoes, ice volcanoes, and lakes of noxious gas, some planets have storms so strong they'll rip the flesh off your bones. The good news about all these places is they'd kill you really quickly. So, if you're in a morbid and cosmic mood, check out our list of the scariest, worst places to die in the solar system below.

Eviscerated by Flying Ice Shards on Neptune

 

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Eviscerated by Flying Ice Shar... is listed (or ranked) 1 on the list Places in the Solar System Where Your Death Would Be Most Horrific.

Neptune is so far from the sun - about 2.8 billion miles - it takes it 165 years to make a single pass around the star. An ice giant, the mammoth planet's atmosphere contains swirling water and shards of ice. Neptune also has wind gusts reaching speeds of 700 miles per hour. At that speed, the wind itself would flay you. The ice in the atmosphere is a nasty little bonus weapon.

Imploded and Electrocuted Amidst Jupiter's 300-year-old Storms

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If you were sucked into Jupiter's gravity, you'd be crushed by the most awesome force of pressure in the solar system. Scientists believe the liquid hydrogen ocean inside Jupiter is under so much pressure that electrons are squeezed off hydrogen atoms, making the liquid electrified. The atmosphere of Jupiter is also home to some tremendous storms, including the Great Red Spot, which has been raging for more than 300 years, is twice the size of Earth, and has winds traveling at about 270 miles per hour.

When you head to Jupiter, expect to implode, and be obliterated by merciless storms or zapped in an electrified lake. 

Annihilated by the Molten Seas and Abusive Radtion of a Pizza Moon

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Io, one of Jupiter's moons, is the most vocanically active body in the solar system. What does that mean? Well, it's covered in molten lava, and enormous volcanoes are known to spew jets of searing magma nearly 200 miles high. There's so much lava, in fact, that most of the Io's surface is liquid. It's basically hell floating in space. In addition to the volcanic hellscape, Io boasts lakes of molten sulfur, intense radiation, and massive electric currents. Which makes it sound like a nuclear bomb made out of lava. Although NASA claims the planet looks like a pizza.  

Ripped to Shreds by the Calamitous Winds of a Gas Giant

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Saturn sure is beautiful. The rings, the swirling colors, the light breeze. Yes, as it turns out, winds on Saturn gust at about 1,118 miles per hour. So, if you're scared of being crushed to death by the pressure within this gas giant, don't worry. You'll be ripped to shreds by the wind before you implode. 

Crushed, Cremated, and Suffocated on Lovely Venus

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Venus's thick, tempestuous atmosphere has turned the planet into a scorched wasteland, trapping extreme heat, pressure, and toxic gas. Surface temperatures exceed 880 degrees Fahrenheit, hot enough to melt lead, and the air pressure on Venus is 90 times that of Earth. There are also lava plains. So. Venus would crush, suffocate, and incinerate you simultaneously, in probably less than 10 seconds. And that's assuming the sulfuric acid in the atmosphere doesn't destroy you before you get to the planet's surface.  

Turned into a Popsicle on the Coldest Moon in the Solar System

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Neptune got a little greedy in the satellite sweepstakes, and ended up with 13 moons. One of these moons, Triton, is among the coldest places in the solar system, with surface temperatures of around -391 degrees Fahrenheit. 

For comparison's sake, 0 degrees Kelvin, the coldest possible temperature, at which atoms stop moving, is about -460 degrees Fahrenheit.

Triton is also one of four volcanically active bodes in the solar system; it's pockmarked with cryovolcanoes, or, volcanoes that spew ice and ammonia. If Io is hell, Triton is its frozen equivalent. You'd freeze immediately, and you might get eviscerated by ice flying from a cryovolcano. 

Frozen and Fried on a Space Potato

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Mercury has almost no atmosphere, meaning you'd suffocate on the vacuum-like planet . However, good news - you wouldn't live that long, thanks to the extreme temperatures. The side of Mercury facing the sun reaches 800 degrees Fahrenheit, while the side facing away from the sun gets pretty damn cold. As in, -290 degrees Fahrenheit. Basically Mercury treats your body like a fast food restaurant treats food - freeze it then fry it. Which is ironic, since Mercury kind of looks like a potato. 

Minced in Searing Solar Winds En Route to the Heliosphere

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A magnetic bubble called the Heliosphere surrounds the solar system, and contains the cosmic bodies and solar winds within. To get there, you need to pass through something called Termination Shock, which is the point at which solar wind blowing out from the sun encounters astral wind, and abruptly slows down. Previous to reaching the Termination Shock, solar winds travel at about 1,500,000 miles per hour. If you make it through winds strong enough to tear apart the primordial matter from which you formed, you'll suffocate and freeze in the nothingness of the Helisophere. 

How You're Actually Going to Die on Earth

In nearly every case, horrible deaths throughout the solar system occur in a matter of seconds. Not so on Earth. On your home planet, you have the luxury of dying slowly thanks to disease, torture, poisoned water, black lung, poverty, and countless other things. Even quick deaths on Earth, from beheading to elephant trampling, take a lot longer and are far more painful than imploding in a matter of seconds on Venus or freezing in an instant on Pluto.